hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
