Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
