Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
