Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
