I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
