goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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