At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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