Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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