In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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