Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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