# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
