You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
