Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
