How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
