the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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