Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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