After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
