Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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