We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
