I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
