God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
