I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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