Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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