I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
