the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
