There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
