Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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