Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
