Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
