spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
