ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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