We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
