I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
