Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
