I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
