hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
