Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
