I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
