the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
