Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
