I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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