I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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