Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
