Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
