he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
