i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
