Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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