The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
