She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
