I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
