My sheets look like a crime scene.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
