Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
