Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
